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by LaFerry trash
Summary: Youtuber!Carmilla AU. When (fictional) VidCon arrangers put our favourite Carmilla characters turned vloggers in a "VidCon YouTuber Group Collaberation Challenge", long-forgotten secrets come to the surface, some deeper and darker than others, in the mix between channels 4SCIENCE, PerryPreps, HeyCarmilla, Laura2theLetter, SummerSocietyOfficial, and ZetaOmegaMuOFFICIAL.
1. Chapter 1

**Laura2theLetter** _– Just a fangirl on the internet looking to express her extreme feels once a week (hopefully). Love Doctor Who, Harry Potter (obviously!), Veronica Mars, etc.!_

"…and _that_ is why I prefer the tenth doctor! That was a bit long, but I can't cut any of it, it's all important! I mean, with a show as big as Doctor Who…" the small brunette trailed off, looking distracted, eyes in the distance. "Anyway, I hope to see all of you at VidCon next week! I'm dead excited to meet you all!"

 _Excited 2 meet u 2, omg! coming to the meetup, c u there!_

 _WE'RE DEAD EXCITED TO MEET YOU TOO LIKE LITERALLY I'M DYING FROM THE FEELS RN!_

Laura smiled widely, seeing the comments already up, minutes after she posted the video. VidCon was just around the corner, and it would be her first year going as a real youtuber, and just, ah! She felt like she might explode with excitement any second. And to top it off, there was going to be a ton of organized challenges – like, the arrangers of VidCon had decided it would be fun to put youtubers who didn't really know each other into teams to make different challenges and stuff. She didn't know who she was gonna be with, but she had to pack for all alternatives.

* * *

 **SummerSocietyOfficial** _–SummerSociety channel. Mains are Mel, Elsie and Danny._

"So yeah, that's really all I know that you may need to know about English Lit today. Also, training tip of the day is to try to savour the workout, it hurts but when you really think of it, it hurts in a good way! Stay away from sweets, and have a great week, everyone!"

 _Danny delivers! As always._

 _you totally motivate the followers to workout, its great_

 _are you coming to vidcon? cos I'd really love to meet you!_

Shit, she totally forgot to mention VidCon in this video. She had in previous ones, but promo and all that. She hurried to add it to the description and tweet a reminder to check out the webpage where all the VidCon info was. She had been asked to host a quick workout session there, as well as all the new, obligatory events. It would be stressful, but when had Danny ever not been well-prepared?

* * *

 **4SCIENCE** _– Unofficial science-side-of-Tumblr representatives JP and LaFontaine tells you all the things you wanted, or definitely didn't, want to know._

"That was everything you didn't know you needed to know about exactly why you dreamt you saw your teacher naked. What makes dreams strange, straight from the science side of Tumblr! Don't worry, you're not mentally unstable. Just a little, but it's a common thing. Don't forget to subscribe, all in the name of science! And go follow inthenameofscience on Tumblr. Go to our webpage – link in the description – to find out what we'll be doing at VidCon. LaFilphormes out."

 _where's jp i miss him_

 _u basically just told us we r all mad! love it_

 _Great video!_

 _Wheres jeeeep i ship you 2 so much! JaPontaine? LaFonJP?_

 _sCIENCE!_

LaFontaine loved their job and what they were able to do with it, but the comment section weirded them out. Ever since the company had let slip that they and JP may or may not be a thing, the fans had gone crazy.

It was weird that they even had fans, really. LaF and JP worked at a research facility that had decided a year back that science, as well as everything else, needed to join Team Internet and get modernized and shared with the youths of the world. LaFontaine and JP were the youngest scientists they had, and had been chosen to handle all the business. While it was fun, for sure, LaFontaine missed the days when their job had more microscopes and less Twitter-handles.

* * *

 **PerryPreps** _– Hello everyone! I'm Perry, and this is my channel, where I show you how to make things DIY-style, sometimes demonstrate recipes and shares whatever helpful things I can!_

"A lot of you asked me how to make a flowercrown, because you, and I quote – 'want to go as a flowerchild for VidCon'. I may spend a lot of time on the internet, but I don't think I've ever heard of a 'flowerchild' before. Unless you're talking about rosebuds. However, flowercrowns are nice and quite simple enough to make, so here we go!"

 _wow! a lot simpler than i thought itd be, thnx!_

 _Are you bringing brownies to vidcon? you seem the type :P_

Lola Perry's idea of 'spending a lot of time on the internet' wasn't scrolling down Tumblr for the better part of the day, but researching methods to fix broken items and finding new brownie recipes to try and other helpful and useful things, not what most of Team Internet thought. She did spend a decent amount of time trying to keep up with the new expressions and things people wanted to see, but that was it. VidCon was going to be a chance to meet all these people in person, to actually hear what they wanted to see her do – as well as a business meeting. She didn't just have the channel, she had her own craft shop, which she was hoping would be able to expand with some pushing.

* * *

 **ZetaOmegaMuOFFICIAL** – _bros tryin out stuff! Join us and suggest what we do next!_

"Hey bros and hotties! Today, Theo, Will and I will be testing out this new paintball gun that we got. Red paint bullets, it'll look like real blood! So Will's gonna be shooting me from ten meters away at first, and then I'll get closer as the camera rolls! Ready?"

Omg ur such cute idiots

 _Red bull(ets)!_

 _I'm pretty sure that's really dangerous…_

 _COOL LOL_

Kirsch's whole body ached as he sidled up next to will with a pained smile to shoot the outro.

* * *

 **HeyCarmilla –** _I review things._

"So that was a waste of time. I couldn't have written it worse myself, I think. That definitely says a thing or two. Anyway, next week's object of scrutinizing is in the description. Check it, or be clueless as to what I'm rightfully mocking then."

Comments:

 _r u coming to vidcon?_

 _that was rude. Funny but rude_

 _haha_

 _love you!_

Carmilla had no idea why she made these videos. It definitely wasn't for the comments. Mattie was dragging her to VidCon to meet all of the creepers, too. Life was sufficiently disappointing.


	2. Chapter 2

Danny, Mel and Elsie had decided to "roadtrip" to VidCon. Go in Mel's car for five hours and switch driver every other hour. Should be fun, right? Key word being _should_. Things in the Summers had been tense lately. Mel was growing more and more controlling every day, refusing to ride anything but shotgun when she wasn't driving so she could tell the driver exactly what she was doing wrong.

Elsie was growing more and more distant. Her videos were becoming less about fitness that she'd been so obsessed with when Danny met her. Instead she talked about having a social life and eating sweets while she could instead of spending 40 hours per week (she'd never been good with maths) on staying "thin or good-looking or whatever".

And Danny, she was trying to stand up for herself in a group where nobody really cared what she thought – they were falling apart. They'd became the top three because they'd been dedicated. Mel had been a perfect leader because she was so headstrong and dedicated. So was Danny, but she hadn't minded being Vice President. Elsie had been the one who'd inspired all the Society girls more than anyone else, and the three of them had been a natural fit to be a sort of Summer Society Golden Trio. They all loved the workout, Mel was incredible with discipline and training-schedules. Danny had been surprised by how good she was at fighting the things Silas U had bombarded them with – lots of weird things had happened on that campus that nobody talked about, but Danny had been the battle leader, so to speak. Self-defence classes had been an obvious thing for her to take up after that.

They'd been close friends for so long, but now… now it wasn't the same at all. Mel was growing more focused on and agitated with the Zetas every day, and she watched their videos more than she actually edited her own. Plotting revenge, plotting an attack, whatever she was doing – it was _weird_.

Elsie kept going on about _swag_. Danny would admit that Elsie's new "image" as she called it was the definition of the word, but hanging out got annoying after a while.

She sighed quietly. She'd get some separation from them at VidCon, but… she definitely could be more excited about this.

* * *

Everything had been neatly folded and put into the travelling bag. The ticket laid on the table, the apartment was immaculately clean, she'd given her neighbour clear instructions on how to care for her flowers, and she'd already given her the key. Everything was finished.

She should be ready to go.

* * *

Mattie would never tell Carmilla why she wanted her far away from Mother.

Not that Carmilla ever complained about that. She wanted to get herself as far away from that woman as Mattie did. Carmilla just didn't know why.

Mattie shook her head and focused back on the road. These thoughts were far too dark and morbid on the way to a video convention. Her little sister didn't want to go, but even Carmilla couldn't avoid the fact that her little videos, commenting on the old classical first-edition books she'd read since she was five because they were the only books kept in Mother's house, had spread like a flame among the literal people on the internet. Carmilla had a lot of fans – intelligent fans who were interested in classics and their origin and finer details that Carmilla talked about, but she ignored them. She never replied to comments or took requests or ever mentioned her fans at all. Which was the reason Mattie was physically dragging her to VidCon.

* * *

"Babe?"

They had to bite their cheek to stop themselves from sighing. No matter how familiar it had become by now. "Yeah?"

"Should we _bring_ our science stuff? I mean, we're doing a few panels and stuff…"

"I doubt they'll ask us to perform an experiment. And if they do, they'll have to bring materials themselves."

"Right, you're right. Do you think we've got everything, though?"

"Yeah, stop worrying." They hoisted their bag over their shoulder. "I still don't see why we're going with them, though. They annoy us both."

"He's my brother. And they're his _bros_."

"Yeah, and they test out ridiculous stuff for fun. We're real scientists. It doesn't go together."

"It's one ride. We can catch another one back."

"Whatever."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

 _Another sigh_. "Nothing, JP."

* * *

Kirsch was dreaming.

 _SJ hadn't left him. She was still there, she still loved him, like she'd said she always would._

 _She was playing video games with him. It was something that included shooting and strategy, something she'd always been better at than him. They'd just decided to go in from the side and attack when –_

When a bump in the road jerked him awake.

Theo was behind the wheel of the giant jeep, cursing quietly. Will was riding shotgun with a pouty expression, and Kirsch sat in the back with JP, LaFontaine squished between them.

LaF was rubbing their shoulder with a pained look on their face. He'd probably hit them by accident when he woke up, so he hurried to apologize. They assured him they were fine and returned to stare out the window with a forlorn expression that almost matched Will's. JP looked like he really wanted to say something. Kirsch wondered if they were fighting. They'd been dating for almost as long as he'd known them – or at least that's what he thought it was. It wasn't like the dating he and SJ had been dating. LaFontaine never let JP kiss them in public, and never really wanted to hold hands, either. But JP did that anyway.

 _SJ loved that stuff. He missed SJ._

* * *

Mr Hollis wasn't very happy about letting his daughter go to VidCon. He knew it all came from the internet, and the internet was a dangerous place. But, as she kept reminding him, she was nineteen now. So he could, according to Laura, either let her do it all on her own, or he could drive her there and stay in town so he was close by during the entire event.

He chose the latter.

This meant listening to his Laura speed-talk her way through the three-hour long cartrip about her fans, her videos, her shows, and Harry Potter houses.

Well, at least it was better than partying and male celebrities.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: The opposite sides of the Q &A's will be in the next chapter. I entirely made up this challenge thing, I'm sure it's in no way how VidCon works, but this is a fic. If there is any misgendering or other incorrect things, please let me know so I can correct them asap.  
Enjoy!**

When she entered and received the information on who she was going to be doing the VidCon YouTuber Challenge with, Laura was already loving this. She'd heard a lot about these YouTubers, but never actually spoken to them or really watched their videos. Carmilla (who'd never revealed her surname online, but then again, her first name wasn't exactly common) seemed surly and unsocial, but the rest would probably be alright. Danny Lawrence was really outspoken about feminism, so they could definitely bond over that. Brody Kirsch, not so much. The Zetas were known for dating women to the right and left, and that wasn't very good propaganda in Laura's eyes. But besides that, Kirsch seemed friendly. Lola Perry was basically the _queen_ of DIY videos, but never said anything about herself, so Laura was excited to see what she was like in real life. Then there was LaFontaine, half of the unofficial-science-side-of-Tumblr duo. They only ever talked about science as far as Laura knew, so that should be interesting as well.

She was waiting in their designated room for the rest of them. She really needed to calm her nerves, but she didn't want to leave in case one of them arrived. She was deep into a mental rant about why the wizarding world should be more accepting towards centaurs when the door opened and Danny Lawrence came inside.

Laura's jaw dropped a little. The other girl looked even more gorgeous in person, and she was looking at Laura with an amused expression. Laura hurried to close her mouth and string together a greeting. Or something.

"H-hi! You're Danny, right?"

"I am, and you're Laura."

 _Beautiful girl knows your name, Hollis, alert the authorities!_ "I, yeah, that's right. I am. It's so nice to meet you!"

"Nice to meet you too." Danny said with a smile and sat down opposite to her. "Heard anything about the others?"

Laura shook her head. "No, I'm pretty new to all of this, so I don't really know anyone. Do you?"

"Know them? Not really, but I have involuntarily spent time with some of them."

Laura let out a small laugh. "That sounds… interesting. How?"

"Well, you know the Summer-Zeta rivalry, right?"

Laura nodded. Who _didn't_ know about that?

"Yeah, so I've met Kirsch. You know, in the battlefield. And I don't think they talk about it much, but Carmilla is Will Luce's sister. Seen her a few times, never talked. And obviously Will's twin is dating LaFontaine, so they've been present for some attacks."

"Oh, right! Cool. So, attacks, huh? You guys are… serious!"

Danny laughed. _Breathe, Hollis_. "Yeah, but it's a traditional thing, really. I mean, in my opinion the Zetas are disgusting dudebros who I wouldn't be seen with anyway, but the attacks aren't everything we do. The Summers are a Society first."

Danny just wished they still felt and acted like one.

It took _ages_ for the rest of them to get there. And into the same spot.

It began awkwardly.

" _Well_ ," Perry started, "why don't we start by seeing how much we know about each other? Do any of us watch the others' videos?"

Laura piped up immediately. "Yeah, sure! I'm not actually subscribed to any of you, but sometimes I watch your tips-and-tricks videos, Perry. They're totally helpful!"

Perry smiled warmly at Laura. "Thank you! _I_ sometimes watch the Summer Society videos for tips on healthy eating."

Danny found it a bit amusing that this uptight woman sometimes watched her videos, but she thanked her anyway. "It's a Summer's thing, but we have to watch a bit of the Zetas for the sake of the rivalry."

Kirsch grinned widely. "You totally like our videos."

"Do _not_."

"So do!"

"I said do _not_!"

"Children, please," LaFontaine interrupted. "Off-track much?"

"Right, okay," Kirsch nodded. "I don't actually watch any of your videos, except for that one video where JP brought Will in for some sorta twin experiment."

LaF rolled their eyes. They'd known the Zetas for years, through JP of course, and they weren't surprised that Kirsch had never looked closer at his best friend's brother's work. "Of course. Well, I have been forced to watch the Twin Tag they did on the Zeta channel, but other than that, I've only seen some of their videos in the making and Carmilla's reviews of _Frankenstein_ and _Dr Moreau's Island_."

Carmilla seemed pretty bummed out to have to be a part of this conversation. " _None_." LaF knew that wasn't true, but they decided not to comment.

"Right!" Laura said loudly. "We're supposed to get out of our comfort zones, so let's see what we've got! I just talk about shows and my own stuff, which is not what the rest of you do. Most of you don't talk much about yourselves – I mean, LaFontaine does information mostly, Perry shows people how to do stuff, Carmilla talks about the books… Danny, you're pretty much the same as Perry, right? And Kirsch try out things but there's not a lot of talking going on. Have any of you even done a Q&A?"

"Nope."

"No."

"…nah."

"Nuh-uh."

" _No_."

"Just what I thought! We should totally mash things up and do one. I mean, several, since there's a few of us and all of that in one video would just be complicated. We could do like, 'unlikely couples', you know? The two people the fans will the least expect to make a video, should do it. Interview slash Q and A each other."

"I guess that makes sense."

"Cool!"

"Sure."

"Whatever."

"Great idea."

After Laura pulled twenty questions for them to answer from Tumblr, they divided into three pairs. Laura ended up with Carmilla, which again, she was excited about, because she knew just about nothing about the dark haired woman.

"Okay, are you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be. How personal are we getting?"

"Pretty varying. This _is_ Tumblr we're talking about."

"…so that's promising."

"You don't have to answer really private ones."

"Great, can I leave?"

"No. I'm turning the camera on, smile."

Carmilla scoffed but sat down in her spot, carefully arranging her features into _incredibly bored-mode_ as Laura sat down next to her and started introducing the video. "Hello everyone! The first video of the big VidCon YouTuber Challenge this year is me Q &A-ing Carmilla here! You'll know her from her channel _HeyCarmilla_ where she reviews classics, am I right?"

"Yeah."

"Are you ready to start? How are you feeling?" Laura asked excitedly, playing the part of the host with enthusiasm.

"I'm not a big people person, so can we just get this over with?"

Laura rolled her eyes a little at that. "Alright, then. The first question _is_ , what made you start YouTube?"

Carmilla had, in her mind, resided to short answers – mostly honest, because Laura was very cute. "People needed to know why these books are classics, because most of them never figure it out. Or why some of them shouldn't be."

"That's harsh", Laura remarked.

"Have you _seen_ my videos, Cupcake?"

"Oh, I – you're right, nevermind. If you could go back in time to change one thing, what would it be?"

"Not gonna talk about that."

"Alright, that's fine. It is a very personal question. If you could have any other type of YouTube channel, what would it be?"

"I wouldn't."

Laura huffed. "What is your dream job?"

"I'd like to sleep all day."

"Carmilla, that's not a real answer."

"Real enough for me."

"Ugh, fine. Do you have any phobias?"

"None that need to be shared for the whole internet to see."

"You're being very unhelpful. Do you see yourself getting married someday?"

"Not really."

"No? Why not?"

"White dress, walking down a church aisle – do I seem like that kind of person to you?"

"I guess not. But there are outdoor-weddings in tuxes."

"So do I strike you as the kind of person who does well with others?"

"But if you met the right person…"

" _Sure,_ Creampuff."

"I have a name, and it's Laura. How can you be that pessimistic?"

"Not that hard, _Cutie_."

Laura huffed loudly. "What is your spirit animal?"

"A black cat."

"Dogs or cats?"

"Cats."

"Sex or food?"

"Sex."

"Soup or salad?"

"Don't care."

"Any fetishes?"

"…."

"Fine, there's no need to answer that. Are you taken?"

"No."

"Sexuality?"

Carmilla sighed. "Gay."

"Oh, I didn't know that!"

"That's because my channel isn't about revealing deep truths about myself, Buttercup."

Of course she wouldn't talk nicely about anything at all. _Fine_. "Favourite TV-show?"

"Hannibal."

"That's disgusting!"

"You say disgusting, I say intriguing."

"Weirdest or most disgusting thing you've ever eaten?"

"The blood of my enemies."

"Ew!"

Carmilla laughed.

"Tell us something nobody knows about you."

"There's a reason nobody knows."

"Favourite food?"

"Don't have one."

"Favourite alcoholic drink?"

"Doesn't matter as long as there's alcohol in it."

* * *

Danny was _so_ not okay with ending up with Kirsch. She knew it was because of the Summer-Zeta thing, and that was why she was going to be paired up with him for whatever else this challenge included, but they couldn't make her be nice to him when he asked her things.

He had a seriously annoying smile on his face. "What made you start YouTube?"

"It was the Society's idea."

"If you could go back in time to change one thing, what would it be?"

"None of your business."

"If you could have any other type of YouTube channel, what would it be?"

She hadn't put any thought into that. "Don't know."

"What is your dream job?"

"A PT or a police officer."

"Do you have any phobias?"

"Dudebros."

"Hey!" he didn't look offended – just pouty.

"Not gonna apologize. Keep going."

"What is your worst nightmare?"

"Dudebros."

"Dann- _y_!" he whined. She just grinned, and he shot her another question as she kept up her short answers. "Do you see yourself getting married someday?"

"Maybe."

"What is your spirit animal?"

"A Valkyrie." She waited for him to realise that Valkyries weren't animals, but the penny didn't drop.

"Dogs or cats?"

"Dogs."

"Sex or food?"

"Uhm. Not a relevant question in any way."

"I'm just reading them! Soup or salad?"

"Salad."

"Seriously, bro? Salad's like, rabbit-food!"

"What _are_ you, five?"

"Hey!"

"Just finish the questions, popped collar."

"Any fetishes?"

"Again, not. Relevant."

"Are you taken?"

"As am I in a relationship? No."

"Sexuality?"

"I like girls."

"Favourite TV-show?"

"Orphan Black."

"Weirdest or most disgusting thing you've ever eaten?"

"Dirt. As a dare."

"You ate dirt?"

"Like I said, it was a dare. Move on, Kirsch."

"Tell me something nobody knows about you."

"Not with you in the room."

"Rude!"

She shrugged.

"What's your favourite food?"

"I like risotto."

"Favourite alcoholic drink?

"Alcohol is really bad for you and I don't condone it."

"Boring."

"Shut up, frat boy. It's your turn."

* * *

LaFontaine was relieved they'd ended up with someone who wasn't Carmilla. Or Danny Lawrence, for that matter. While they weren't in any way affiliated with the Zetas, they'd spent enough time around JP – and therefore Will – to see the bad side of the Summer Sisters. (Treating Will Luce for some bruised ribs due to an impromptu "attack" from the Summers? _Not_ their idea of a good time.) Besides, even if Lola Perry talked a lot, it filled the pauses, and most of the time, her rambles were adorable.

"What made you start YouTube?"

"Oh! I saw a video of somebody showing ways to clean the bathroom easily, and I tried them and realised that knew some ways that I thought worked even better. So I thought it would be a good idea to share!"

"Okay, cool. If you could go back in time to change one thing, what would it be?"

"Oh, uhm… I don't actually know, now that I think about it. But that's probably a good thing. Isn't it?"

"Right." They smiled at her. "If you could have any other type of YouTube channel, what would it be?"

"I wouldn't, really. I like my channel."

"What is your dream job?"

"Oh, that's a hard question. Maybe a teacher."

Of course. "I'm sure you'd make a great teacher. Do you have any phobias?"

"Thank you! Can I say dirt? Dust and grime and all – it's not a phobia, but I sort of treat them like they are."

"What is your worst nightmare?"

"I can't say, really."

"Not dirt, then?"

Lola laughed and stuck her tongue out at them.

"Do you see yourself getting married someday?"

"If I find the right person, yes."

"What is your spirit animal?"

"I haven't thought about it…"

"Dogs or cats?

"…cats are easier to clean up after, but dogs are less grumpy."

"Sex or food?"

"That is a dumb question."

"I know, right? Soup or salad?"

"Soup is great when you're sick. Salad's nice when you want to eat healthy."

Apparently she wasn't going to answer the questions, but rationalize them. "Any fetishes?"

"If I had, they would definitely not be the internet's business."

"Are you taken?"

"I am not."

"Sexuality?"

She looked uncomfortable. "Inconclusive."

"Favourite TV-show?"

"You Are What You Eat."

"Weirdest or most disgusting thing you've ever eaten?"

"Nothing I can think of."

"Tell me something nobody knows about you."

"Oh, I… I used to flatten my hair every day in high school. I mean, those who went to my high school knows that, but my audience doesn't."

"Favourite food?"

"Brownies!"

"Alcoholic drink?"

"I'm not that into alcohol, but Tequila."

"I can't believe you missed the opportunity to say Ginger Snaps."

"Oh, I was leaving that to you."

"Mine's Ginger Ale, but thanks for thinking of me."


	4. Chapter 4

Carmilla kept her features carefully arranged in their neutral state as she asked Laura the questions as quickly as she possibly could. In a bored voice. She couldn't get out of here soon enough.

"What made you start YouTube?"

"Combination of loving YouTubers and Tumblr and fangirl life in general, I needed to share it!"

"If you could go back in time to change one thing, what would it be?"

"Oh, uh… something with my mom," Laura said with a forlorn look on her face.

Carmilla recognized that tone, and it was a surprise to her – the Cupcake had actually experienced something other than unicorn stickers and rainbow hugs? But then again, she didn't care. "If you could have any other type of YouTube channel, what would it be?"

"Oh, maybe I could try to do something like you do, actually review the episodes instead of just sharing my feels? I do that on Tumblr sometimes but not on video!"

"Dream job?"

"Oh, librarian or a producer. Or journalist! Yeah, definitely journalist."

"Do you have any phobias?"

"I wouldn't call them phobias, so no, not really."

"What is your worst nightmare?"

"Doctor Who announcing a final season! Or Angie not returning on Agent Carter."

"Do you see yourself getting married someday?"

"Yeah, totally!"

"What is your spirit animal?"

"A hippogriff! They're the ultimate choice, two in one _plus_ fantastical Harry Potter-beast! Well obviously they're not beasts, they're kind creatures as long as you don't insult them –"

"…dogs or cats?"

"Sorry, I always get a bit carried away with Harry Potter. Cats."

"Sex or food?"

"That's stupid, but I mean… cookies, am I right?"

"Soup or salad?"

"Soup!"

"Any fetishes?"

"Oh right, that question… uh, no?"

"Are you taken?"

"Nope!" She popped her lips. Annoyingly.

"Sexuality?"

"Lesbian. Super gay Laura, that's me."

"Favourite TV-show?"

"Aside from Doctor Who… probably Orphan Black. And Agent Carter."

"Weirdest or most disgusting thing you've ever eaten?"

"I ate some unidentified spice as a kid and had to go to the hospital. Might have been, you know, _not_ spice."

"Tell me something nobody knows about you." _Like she cared_.

"I'm an open book, but… I fell asleep in class once and got into detention, which my viewers may be surprised to know."

How very daring. "Favourite food?"

" _Cookies_."

"Alcoholic drink?"

"Alcohol isn't a favourite of mine, but Harry Potter butterbeer is fun. So is cider."

* * *

The fact that she was stuck asking Wilson Kirsch questions he probably wouldn't be able to answer made Danny feel like her eyes would fall out of her skull sometime soon.

"What made you start YouTube?"

"My bros!"

"If you could go back in time to change one thing, what would it be?"

"Oh, I would've broken up with some of my ex-girlfriends before they broke up with me, you know?"

Of course he would. _Fratboy Supreme_. "If you could have any other type of YouTube channel, what would it be?"

"Maybe I could do one about working out, too!"

 _Good luck with that_. "Dream job?"

"Football coach. Maybe. Or football player."

"Do you have any phobias?"

"I don't think so."

"What is your worst nightmare?"

"…being without my friends."

"Do you see yourself getting married someday?"

"Totally, it'd be cool."

She raised an eyebrow. "You realise that would require you stay with _one_ girl and not cheat, right?"

" _Hey_ , I may have slept with a lot of people, but never while I was dating someone else!"

"Yeah, sure. What is your spirit animal?"

"Don't know, a dog?"

"Dogs or cats?"

"Do-ogs."

"Sex or food?"

" _Food sex_!"

"That is disgusting. Soup or salad?"

"Soup. _Salads_ are gross!"

She huffed. "Any fetishes?"

"Maybe… nah, I'm a pretty vanilla guy."

Thank God, she didn't need any graphics. "Are you taken?" Like she was interested.

"Not at the moment!"

"Sexuality?"

"Open to most things," he said with a wink. Which did surprise her (really? He wasn't girl-crazed?), but she wasn't going to comment.

"Favourite TV-show?"

He hesitated. "Junior Masterchef."

She couldn't say if he was being honest or just weird. "Weirdest or most disgusting thing you've ever eaten?"

"Can't say that."

 _Gross_. "Tell me something nobody knows about you."

"I kinda want to work with kids."

So maybe the Masterchef thing was true. "Favourite food?"

"I eat most things."

"Alcoholic drink?"

"Pilsner. Or, oh, shots!"

* * *

Lola Perry was a perfectly sensible woman, and she shouldn't have to remind herself of that, no matter how pretty the person opposite to her looked. _Get yourself together, Lola_.

"What made you start YouTube?" she asked with a friendly smile.

"It's actually my job, so it was a promotion."

"Oh, I see. If you could go back in time to change one thing, what would it be?"

"Not taking the promotion. No offense, anyone," LaF looked into the camera with an apologetic smile, "but I miss when my science job was a bit more about actual research."

That sounded… sad. "If you could have any other type of YouTube channel, what would it be?"

"A personal one for fun, probably."

"What is your dream job?"

"Real scientist. Not in it for work or money or anything but the science."

"Do you have any phobias?"

"I do hate unsolved mysteries."

"What is your worst nightmare?"

"Dying without having contributed to the things – or scientific fields – that I care about. Or not having protected what I care about enough."

"Do you see yourself getting married someday?"

"Possibly. Dunno."

"What is your spirit animal?"

"Don't know, a smart one. Maybe a reptile."

"Dogs or cats?"

"Dogs."

"Sex or food?"

"Food. People, and biology, say sex is a basic need, but I'd rather live with food for the rest of my life than not, you know?"

"Soup or salad?"

"Soup."

"Any fetishes?"

"I don't think any of us are going to actually answer that question."

She laughed, a bit awkwardly. "That is probably true. Are you taken?"

"I… kinda. Yeah."

"Sexuality?"

"Well… uhm. Pan."

"Favourite TV-show?"

"Breaking Bad. Or any of the medical ones. Or Mythbusters."

"Weirdest or most disgusting thing you've ever eaten?"

"What happens in the lab stays in the lab."

"Tell me something nobody knows about you."

"Well, since I pretty much already told you, wish my job was different. Not that I don't like YouTubing, I do, I promise. I just miss what I used to do. I haven't said that in a video before."

"What is your favourite food?"

"Pie. Definitely pie."

"Any specific type of pie?"

"Well, there were these really great pies they served on Wednesdays at my university…"

"You'll have to tell me more about those. Anyway, last question – what's your favourite alcoholic drink?"

"If not the Ginger Snaps, definitely hand-sanitizer. Working in a lab, it comes in super- _handy._ Ha."


	5. Chapter 5

"Okay, we're supposed to decide what tags the others will do. Any suggestions?"

"Carmilla's doing the TMI tag."

Carmilla whirled to glare daggers at Laura. "Not a chance, Cutie."

"You've been dared. You can't not do it. Besides, you seem like you could use it."

"I hate you."

"Don't worry, the feeling's mutual." That wasn't wholehearted, but it wasn't like Carmilla cared.

Perry interrupted softly. "How about LaFontaine does the gender tag?"

LaF looked mildly surprised.

"If that's alright with them, of course."

"No, it is. I was just surprised."

"Right, okay."

"I want Kirsch to get his legs waxed. That's almost a tag video."

"Done, it'll be just like the videos with my bros!"

"…right. Or he does the 'scariest thing' tag."

"It's a scary thing, do both. That's Carmilla, LaF and Kirsch… what about Perry?"

"Well… people barely know anything about her – the 'get to know me' tag?"

"A-alright…"

"Laura? You've done some already, so… 'dirty secrets' tag? New stuff."

"I hate you."

"Danny? 'Would you rather' tag?"

"LaF, why do you want to see everyone squirm?"

"There's not much else to watch for fun around here, until all this sexual tension is acted upon."

"What are you even talking about?"

"You wouldn't understand. Science."

* * *

"Alright, this is Laura, and I'm gonna do the 'Dirty Secrets' tag! I'm not super on board with this, but let's go. Danny Lawrence from the Summer Society channel will be reading me the questions."

Danny entered the screen to sit beside Laura with a smile. "Hey everyone. Okay, the first question is, what was your first cuss word?"

Laura cocked her head to the side in consideration. "Hell, probably. Yeah, hell."

"Okay. Question number two, what was your first R-rated movie?"

"Oh, uh… I can't remember, actually. Sorry."

"No problem. Question number three – who was your first kiss?"

"Oh, God. Some boy in primary school."

Danny chuckled heartily at Laura's tone. "What do you wear to sleep?"

"People have definitely seen my PJ's in my videos. Flannel and a comfy shirt, am I right?"

"Have you ever seen your – oh, that's just… no."

"What?" Laura leaned over to look at Danny's phone, where the questions were listed. "Have you – oh… well, no." Her eyes looked a little glazed over. On the other side of the room, Kirsch showed the others what the question was. _Have you ever walked in on your parents?_ Carmilla frowned. LaFontaine got a sad look on their face, both them and Perry taking steps towards the younger girl, immediately wanting to comfort her, however stopping when Danny put an arm around Laura's shoulder.

"Hey, it's fine. Take your time, we'll cut this out. I'll say the next question is number five."

"I'm sorry," Laura said, voice just a little thick, but hurried. "Let's forget this ever happened." She straightened up and smiled at the camera. "Question five, please!"

Danny looked a little worried, but continued anyway. "Question five, have you ever cheated?"

"No, of course not!"

"Yeah. Number six, what kind of undies do you wear?"

"Uh, whatever's comfortable."

"Oh, they're getting dumber. Number seven, have you ever shat your pants?"

"Not since I was a child…"

"Like I said, dumb. Question eight, have you ever had a fantasy dream about a celebrity?"

"Uhm, _yes_. I mean, not to sound like a creep or anything, but I am a fangirl. And nobody said fantasy dreams have to be sexual."

"Exactly. Last question, what's your favourite feature on your crush or significant other?"

"Well, at the moment I have neither of those, but I like it when people have strong opinions that align with my own." Laura smiled at Danny, who felt her cheeks heat up.

Next up was Carmilla, grumbling about getting this over and done with as quickly as possible. Laura declared herself done with asking Carmilla questions she didn't want to answer, and Danny was of the same mindset. Nobody wanted to see Perry get upset as she probably would due to Carmilla's rude answers, and that left LaF or Kirsch. Kirsch took it upon himself, as he was used to Carmilla's snark and it looked like LaF could use a break.

"Alright, question one is what you're wearing."

"Clothes. My clothes."

He wasn't going to be commenting on the answers. That's why he was a good pick for this, he'd just go along without a fuss, and he was pretty sure Carmilla even appreciated that.

"Ever been in love?"

"This is so stupid. Yes."

"Ever had a terrible breakup?"

He saw her flinch. "If you must know, yes."

"How tall are you?"

"5'3."

LaF yelled at them from across the room. "That's _5'2 and a half_ , Carmilla."

"Shut up, Gingersnap," Carmilla bit out and flipped them off.

"How much do you weigh?"

"Fuck off."

"Any tattoos?"

"Not that you need to know about."

"Piercings?"

" _No_."

"What is your OTP?"

"I do _not_ waste time thinking about fictional characters. Reviewing doesn't mean I have to develop an attachment to them."

Somewhere in the room, Laura pulled a vocal cord trying not to shout at the other girl.

"Favourite show?"

"Again, Hannibal."

"Favourite bands?"

"Don't have any. I listen to good songs, who created them is insignificant."

"Something you miss?"

" _Privacy_."

"Favourite song?"

"Several."

"How old are you?"

"Twenty."

"Zodiac sign?"

"I am _not_ having the maniacs look up what day of the month I'm most likely to reply to their fangirl comment based on when I'm born. Forget it."

"Quality you look for in a partner?"

"She'd have to be gay."

"Favourite quote?"

"Again, several."

"Favourite actor?"

"Hannibal."

"You mean the guy who plays him?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"Favourite colour?"

"Black."

"Loud music or soft?"

"Dumb question, it depends."

"Where do you go when you're sad?"

"Nowhere."

"How long does it take you to shower?"

" _Why_ , creepers?"

"How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?"

"I don't fucking know, I don't time myself."

"Ever been in a physical fight?"

"Yeah."

"Turn on?"

"Girls."

Turn off?"

"Males."

"The reason you joined YouTube?"

"Don't remind me."

"Fears?"

"Nobody's business."

"What's the last thing that made you cry?"

"I don't cry."

"Last time you said you loved someone?"

" _Pass_ , God, who wrote these?"

"Meaning behind your YouTube name?"

" _Only_ Carmilla was taken."

"Last book you read."

"Look at my channel."

"The book you're currently reading?"

"You wouldn't know it, Beefcake."

"The last show you watched?"

"The freaking _news_."

"Last person you talked to?"

"You right now, Muscles For Brains."

"The relationship between you and the person you last texted?"

"My sister. We're siblings. We laugh, we fight."

"Favourite food?"

"I don't have a favourite."

"Place you want to visit?"

"Rome."

"Last place you were?"

"What kind of question is that? Right here."

"Do you have a crush?"

" _No_."

"Last time you kissed someone?"

"A month or two ago."

"Last time you were insulted?"

"When they put me in a group with you dimwits."

"Favourite flavour of sweet?"

"Dark chocolate."

"What instruments do you play?"

"Piano."

"Favourite piece of jewelry?"

"Don't have one."

"Last sport you played?"

"I don't do sports."

"Last song you sang?"

"I don't sing either."

"Favourite chat up line?"

"' _Hey'_ usually works."

"Have you ever used it?"

"Of course."

"Last time you hung out with anyone?"

"I rode here in my sister's car."

"And lastly, who should answer these questions next?"

"I don't care, it's finally over."

"Alright, Carmilla," LaFontaine started, having received orders from Laura as to what they were to say. "You can go now if you want to, but you have to be back in three hours for Truth or Dare."

Carmilla barely gave them a nod before heading out the door.


	6. Chapter 6

**If you didn't know already, I am** _ **diehard LaFerry trash.**_ **I live and will die by LaFerry. And this finale pretty much enabled me to die happily. LaFerry is real and if someone wants to join me and write the other characters do it because I'm gonna LaFerry so hard from now on.  
I'd already written most of this chapter before the finale so you won't get all the LaFerry now but in the future, be prepared  
(Seriously though if people want to co-write that would be a super cool thing to try out especially if you're into LaFerry hnggghhh)**

With Carmilla out of the room, both Laura and Danny physically relaxed. Not that anyone blamed them, with their obvious threeway-clash of personalities. And it was time for Danny's tag, meaning that not having Carmilla in the room was a great thing. Laura volunteered to be the one asking the questions, and nobody commented (despite Perry wanting to, for the sake of order) on them being supposed to switch partners.

"Hello again, everyone! I'm Laura Hollis, this is Danny Lawrence –"

"Hi!"

"And she's going to do the 'Would you rather' tag! Are you ready?"

"Yup!"

"Alright, question one! Would you rather… walk around all day with your skirt tucked in your underwear or be seen wearing a see through dress?"

"Well… I mean, neither, obviously, but the see-through dress would probably be more socially accepted, which is ridiculous. I could just stay home, anyway."

"Completely! Ridiculous, that is. Yeah. Next question, would you rather go to a party and not realise until the end of the night that you have lipstick on your teeth or that your fake lashes are coming unglued?"

"Lipstick. I don't wear fake lashes anyway."

"Good call. Would you rather forget to put mascara on one eye or forget blush on one side of your face?"

"Gee, what's with all these questions being about appearance? I thought this would be more factual and informative. But blush, I guess. It's less noticeable."

"Yeah, maybe we should have looked at them beforehand… question four, though, in the same theme – would you rather wear lipstick/lipliner combo or frosty blue eyeshadow?"

"Well, neither! This is dumb."

"I couldn't agree more! Let's just, get through them quickly? We'll come up with better questions for you in the truth or dare later. If you choose truth, I guess."

Danny replied in a low tone. "Yeah. Maybe I will."

"Great! Great. Would you rather wear foundation that is two shads too light or go way overboard on bronzer?"

"As a redhead, I'm going to go with the light foundation."

"Yeah, good point. Would you rather drink an entire bottle of ketchup, or run into the guy… why so genderspecific? _Guy or girl or person or anything_ , who broke your heart on a bad hair day when your skin is freaking out?"

"Well, that's me every day, so doesn't matter. Ketchup is really unhealthy in big doses, and I can handle an ex."

"Right. That's badass. You know – sorta. Badass. Yeah. Would you rather be able to date any celebrity that you wanted or wake up with perfect red carpet-worthy hair? This is such a stupid question. You've totally got both of those down already."

Danny laughed hard at that. "Thanks, Hollis. I'll go for that answer."

Laura blushed. "Would you rather… uhm, your armpits smell musky or like delicious lasagna?"

"Eh… lasagna. Lasagna's nice."

"It is! Would you rather give up your makeup or cell phone for one year?"

"Makeup, no problem."

"Would you rather run into a cute gu – _person_ you like with food all in your grill or no makeup at all?"

"No makeup. Was that the last one?"

"Yeah, finally. What the hell were those questions, seriously?"

"I didn't think they were going to be so… I don't know, irrelevant. Airhead-y."

"I'll make it up to you in the game later."

"It wasn't your fault, Laura. But sure."

"Anyway, we should be moving on – hey, where's Perry?"

LaFontaine and Kirsch were watching them, Perry nowhere to be seen. The former piped up. "Since _someone_ wanted Kirsch legs smooth and soft, and we didn't think anyone had happened to bring a waxing kit, she went to get supplies."

"Yeah, she like, totally knew what to get," Kirsch added.

"A lot of girls do, generally," LaF said with an amused look on their face.

"Dude, I know. I just meant that she's, like, she knows her business."

"It's hardcore."

The door opened. "What's hardcore?" Perry came in with a broad smile, carrying a plastic bag and holding a bunch of paper towels.

"Apparently, you knowing that we'd need a waxing kit for this challenge is. Thank you, by the way."

"Oh, no problem. Who will be… performing this?"

"Not me. Gross." Danny grimaced, Laura quickly following.

"Me neither. No offense, Kirsch."

Kirsch looked between Perry and LaF, doing his best not to smirk. That'd be weird. "LaF knows me the best, but maybe that's not a plus."

LaF grimaced. "Uhm."

Perry hopped in. "We can both do it? It might be less… weird."

They nodded gratefully. "That'd be good."

* * *

Who'd have ever thought they'd be bonding with someone over waxing Kirsch's legs? It was a great question, that they were sad had to be asked and experienced in front of a camera. They couldn't really talk much, as it was. Especially not with all of Kirsch's whining in the background.

"Ow, guys, this is _terrible_!"

"Girls do it all the time, Wilson."

"You're all _crazy_ , then! And I told you not to call me that, Perry."

"Sorry."

LaF cleared their throat. Perry and them had planned to take turns waxing and asking the questions. That agreement had ended when LaF accidentally got stuck with four of their fingers in the wax, and Perry " _took away their waxing privileges_ ". "Right, Kirsch! Question one, what's your scariest real-life experience?"

"Uh, this right now, obviously. Argh!"

They stifled their laughter with some difficulty. "How about scariest paranormal experience?"

"I, uh, dunno, but my university was _really_ weird."

"Good point."

Perry perked up. "What are you two talking about?"

"We both went to Silas University. It's very… special."

"Special? It's crazy! There are giant fish and _huge_ lizards and –"

"Dude, don't scare people away from our university. Silas Pride."

"Right. Sorry. Anyway, what's the next question?"

"It's… slightly less fun. Have you ever known anyone convicted of a violent crime?"

"…oh." Kirsch looked severely dispirited, and Perry paused the waxing. "I mean, SJ went missing but she didn't remember it, so…"

LaF patted his shoulder sympathetically. Strangely enough, they'd fell victim to the same thing. They had a large memory-gap where they had no idea what had actually happened. But it was a reoccurring thing at Silas, and they suspected that it was something the Alchemy Club was partly guilty of.

"Are you afraid of the dark?"

"Dude, no."

"Does your hometown have any scary stories or legends?"

"Well, I totally live right by Silas, so since people go missing sometimes there's this legend slash theory that there's a vampire cult serving a demigod by sacrificing five virgins to it every twenty years."

Perry looked at him like he'd grown three heads, shook her own and went back to waxing.

"What is your favourite urban legend?"

"Uhm. I don't think I have one."

"Lastly – this is a very short tag – what is your scariest nightmare?"

"Oww! Ouch! Why do I have to say it to the internet?"

"Because."

He rolled his eyes. "Fine. Ah! Right. I guess it's the one where I'm waking up and I'm alone. My family is nowhere, I can't see anyone outside, my friends or relatives won't pick up the phones… everyone's just gone."

"Dude, that's way deep for a leg-waxing-video."


	7. Chapter 7

**I've done my best to write what I think is canon about LaFontaine's gender identity, but if I got anything wrong, please tell me so I can correct it asap!**

They were sat in front of a camera, just like at work, but JP wasn't there, and they weren't going to talk about science. They were supposed to talk about _themself_. They didn't know how to feel about that. It was strange.

Perry's curious eyes on them made them feel slightly nervous, but also calmer. Like she wouldn't care what they said, she just _cared_. That was a strange sentence. Especially for someone they just met. But she did come across as a very caring person. "How come you've never done this challenge before?"

 _Right, focus_. "My channel isn't about challenges or Q &A's. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just solely informative and factual videos, so I guess that's why." That, and the fact that they were terrified of ever having to make an actual couple- video.

"How do you self identify your gender, and what does that definition mean to you?"

They never spoke about this. Not since they came out. "Non-binary. To me it means that I'm comfortable being in between. Not a girl, but not a boy either. I fit somewhere in the middle."

"And what pronouns do you use?"

"They, them and theirs. Please, everyone, especially my commenters, try to remember that."

"Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear, please."

"Well…" they looked down at their "Whatever I'm comfortable in, which usually means jeans and some sort of dressy shirt. Also ties. Vests. Suspenders."

Laura grinned at them from across the room. "You look really cool, you could totally be the new Doctor, LaF!"

"And that, everybody, was Laura Hollis," they said with a laugh. "Totally the new Doctor, yup."

"Ohhh, Perry could be River Song! She'd be _thrilled_ to keep the cool hair!"

Perry cleared her throat with a small smile. "Thanks, Laura. It's mostly just a hassle in the mornings, though."

LaF looked back at Perry – and that amazing hair – with a broad smile. "Right. Next question, maybe?"

"Yes, of course. Talk about your choices with body hair. How do you style your hair? Do you have facial hair? What do you choose to shave or choose not to shave? This is so personal."

"Yeah, that's kind of invasive. As you can see, I style my hair by getting out of bed. I hope you can see that I have no facial hair, either, that's just a chocolate stain. And shaving isn't something I feel like discussing on the internet, but I don't strike you as the type of person who cares about having smooth legs, do I?"

Perry laughed to cover up a barely noticeable blush. "I suppose not. The following question is sort of strange, as well. Talk about cosmetics. Do you choose to wear makeup? Do you paint your nails? What types of soaps and perfumes do you use if any?"

"A lot at once, too. Okay, so I don't wear makeup, I don't feel the need to and it's never really required of me. I don't paint my nails. And I just pick a soap that smells good, really."

"Have you- experienced being misgendered? If so, how often?"

"Often enough. I'm 'out' to people I regularly interact with, but if a stranger at the grocery store says hi, it's still _miss_ all over again."

"Do you experience dysphoria? How does that affect you?"

"Same answer there, really. When someone calls me _she_ or _her_ it brings back all the years I spent trying not to be myself. I feel the pressure to conform to something that I'm not, and that absolutely sucks."

Perry cleared her throat to try to silence the alarms going off in her head, and skimmed through the rest of the questions. "Just a heads up, the questions are getting more focused on gender roles and your approach to them. This one is; talk about children. Are you interested in having children? Would you want to carry a child if that were an option for you? Do you want to be the primary caretaker for any children you may have?"

"At the moment I would _not_ have children, and I can't really see myself being a good parent. But I won't say never, just not now, not in this situation, not the person I am today. I would probably not carry it, and I think the parents should be able to be equally primary."

"Well said. Talk about money. Is it important to you to provide for a family financially if you choose to have one? Is it important to you that you earn more than any partner you may have? Do you prefer to pay for things like dates? Are you uncomfortable when others pay for you to offer to pay for you?"

They looked annoyed, now. "What does that have to do with anything? If I had a family to take care of, I would obviously want to take care of and provide for them. I would feel awful if I couldn't. When it comes to partners, your earnings should be irrelevant. I haven't been on a genderrole-based date and I never intend to go on one. If one person is taking the other out, and they're both alright with it, they pay, or everyone pays for themselves – just _talk_ about it. Money isn't a dirty topic."

Perry smiled appreciatively. "Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?"

"Let people have their space to experience with gender identities. If they need to come out to you with a different gender identity several times, let them. You wouldn't argue if a friend went to travel to a ton of countries for self-discovery, so let them be what they want, _when_ they want. Also, just go with it. Research, try to understand what they're going through. _Never_ say that they're wrong in how they identify. Let them be them. Use the pronouns they want you to, and remember that you can never know enough to say what they are or are not."

"I…" Perry didn't know what to say to that. LaFontaine had clearly thought of that before. "Thank you. That was great, and I'm sure all the viewers appreciated it!"

* * *

"Hi! This is LaFontaine speaking, and I'll be reading the questions of the 'Get to know me' tag for this person that we'll know by the end of this video! What is your name?"

"Well. Lola Perry!"

"Have you got any nicknames?"

"Most people call me Perry, no variations."

"When is your birthday?"

"I think it's alright to not want to tell the Internet that."

"Totally. Same with this one. Where were you born?"

"In a hospital that will remain anonymous."

"What is your star sign?"

"That would enable them to possibly find my birthday."

"Yup. What's your occupation?"

"YouTube."

"Only YouTube? That's great!"

"I… yes."

"Okay, on to the appearance section… hair colour? Alright, guys, it's a video! Her hair length is right there, her eyes might be hard to see properly but they're blue. Then comes best feature, which is a very weird question…"

"It is! But I guess if we're talking about my appearance…"

"Yeah?"

"That I'm taller than you, maybe?"

LaF _hmph_ ed. "That's no fun, I hate feeling short. Did you ever have braces?"

"No, I didn't need them."

"Any piercings or tattoos?"

"No", Perry lied effortlessly.

"Are you right- or left-handed?"

"Right."

"Okay. This section is called 'firsts'. First best friend?"

"A girl from primary school named Wendy."

"Award?"

" _First award_? Probably top marks on a spelling test in first grade."

"Well done! Sport?"

"Well, I used to swim during my younger years."

"First real holiday?"

"My parents took me to a big-city weekend when I was ten. It was nice."

"Concert?"

"Oh…" she fell into thought. "You know what, I don't think I've ever been to one. I've never been the type."

"Wow, someone has to fix that. Okay, favourites. Favourite film?"

"Disney – all the Disney."

"TV-show?"

"Well, I really liked the series they made of _The Casual Vacancy_ , but I don't follow any TV-shows. Except _Downton Abbey_."

"Colour?"

"Hm. Blue."

"Song?"

" _Get Low_ by Lil Jon."

"Restaurant?"

"Oh, I really like this Thai restaurant in my hometown."

"Store?"

"Grocery store."

"Book?"

"Harry Potter."

"Magazine?"

 _Deep breaths_. "Cooking magazines!"

"Shoes?"

"My favourite shoes? I don't get attached to them, they break too easily and you have to throw them away sooner or later."

"That just makes you sound scary. This is called 'currently'. How are you currently feeling?"

"Oh, uhm, excited. VidCon is exciting."

"Currently single or taken?"

"Single."

"Eating – oh, yeah, this tag is meant to be written down, really. This one's all about what you're listening to, if you're eating or watching something and what you're wearing… which they can all see. It also asks what you're thinking about, which I guess is the questions."

"That would be correct. Let's skip that section, then. What's the next one?"

"Future. Alright, so in the future, do you want children?"

Perry shuddered at the thought of subjecting a child into her mess of a life, but in front of the camera was where she had to be that person she was before… before. "Oh, yes! I love children."

"Do you want to be married?"

Old Lola definitely did. "Yes."

"Careers in mind? Will you be sticking with YouTube?"

"Honestly, I have no idea. I will of course continue making videos for as long as people want to see them, though."

"Where would you like to live?"

"In a nice house with an affordable rent?"

"Good point. Okay, next segment is 'do you believe in', and first one is God. Do you believe in God?"

"That's… I'd rather not say."

"That's cool. How about miracles?"

"Certain kinds of miracles, yes. No burning bushes, but some stories you hear can be just incredible!"

"Mhm, totally. Love at first sight?"

"Affection or attraction, maybe. Not love."

"Very scientific answer there, I like it. Now, ghosts?"

"Ugh. If they do exist, I hope they're friendly, rather than the whole I-live-in-your-house-just-to-haunt-and-scare-you thing!"

"Aliens?"

"Well, I doubt that we are the only conscious beings in the entire universe."

"Soul mates?"

"I don't know." She shrugged, thinking of the many theories she'd heard. "Maybe."

"Heaven and hell?"

"I try not to think about what happens when we're dead, really. It should be a surprise."

"Good point. Now, kissing on the first date, yes or no?"

"Well, it would depend on the circumstances. Maybe if you knew the person beforehand."

"Ohhh, now we're getting real cheesy. Do you believe in _yourself_?"

"That's a relative question. I think we all believe in ourselves sometimes, but there will always be times when we get down and think we can't do anything whatsoever."

"Oh, that was actually the last question!"

"Oh, really? Well then thanks a lot for watching! And thank you, LaFontaine for questioning me."

"No problem whatsoever. Don't forget to watch the rest of the VidCon Collab videos and subscribe to Perry Preps!"

"And to LaF! See you later, everyone!"

"Bye!"


	8. Chapter 8

**TW: Descriptions of unwanted touches and affection that could be triggering. If you don't want to read about being trapped somewhere/with someone you're not comfortable with, skip ahead after Laura talks to LaF to the next part.**

After the tags they all scattered like an anglerfish's victims for their respective VidCon duties. In LaFontaine's case, that meant doing 4SCIENCE interviews.

"Welcome to this interview we're having with the brains behind the _4SCIENCE_ project! Hey, it's so great to meet you guys!"

LaF sighed tiredly – they'd tried mustering up their energy and possibly some positivity for this series of interviews, but it was hard. There was too much going on in their head to really concentrate, and they felt vaguely annoyed that JP had put his arm around them for the camera. They didn't need it to be any _more_ confirmed that the two had some sort of thing that only JP wanted to label anymore.

"Thank you," they said with an easy smile – at least they could still do that, even though positive answers would require more acting skills. That they didn't really have, to be honest.

"So, you two have been working together for how long?"

JP answered, with a beaming smile. "The project was just starting up when I started working for the company, so that's been going on for about a year now!"

"And how long have you known each other?"

"Well, we met in my first year of college. That's… Gosh, that's only four years ago!" JP exclaimed, eyes widened slightly.

"Right, and how long have you two been an item?"

They stiffened, and JP squeezed their shoulders affectionately. Probably to hide how rigid they'd gotten. "It's got to be… well, we were pretty inseparable from the beginning, but about three years, probably?"

They nodded along. _This is gonna make for some gifsets for sure_.

"That's lovely, I'm so happy for you! LaFontaine, what is it like to work with someone you're as close to as JP?"

"It's…" they gritted their teeth. "It's great. We both love making the videos."

JP hurried to add on to their answer. "It's one of the many things we share – this love for science, and getting to share that with the world and each other is just incredible."

Their interviewer seemed satisfied with that. "Sounds like you're a passionate couple. Are you disappointed you weren't placed in the same VidCon YouTuber Collaboration Challenge group?"

 _Not at all_.

JP grimaced. "Yeah, but that wouldn't be very fun for the audiences, you know? They're supposed to get to see YouTubers who don't know each other beforehand."

"One, your shippers would have a lot of fun! Two, you and Will are in the same group, though."

"That's true, but it's probably because they love seeing how different we are. We've been in what, two videos together? Yeah. They don't get to see a lot of us."

"True, it's hilarious how you're doing science and he's doing Zeta tests!"

* * *

After the interview, LaF did their best to sneak out from JP's grasp and disappear backstage. They didn't know how much more of forced affection they were able to handle – there was enough of it at home.

"LaF."

They fought the urge to close their eyes. "Yes?"

"You know we really need to talk about this."

"We've been saying that for ages. VidCon is _not_ the time to sit down and talk."

"We have talked, but –"

" _No_ , we haven't talked. I've talked and you've nodded and said the right things but never listened."

"Yes I have! I understand that you don't want the same things as I do, but that doesn't mean –"

"But it _does_ , Jeep! You say you get it but you don't – I don't want to _try_ , I don't want to experiment with this, we're not a thesis that needs testing! We've been testing for _ages_ , and I'm so sick of it, I can't even –" they ran a hand over their face. "We're not doing this now, but I don't – I've said it before, JP. I don't want you to act all couple-ish with me unless we have to."

He looked so hurt, then. They bit their lip and looked him in the eyes. "It doesn't mean I don't love you."

He choked on his words – "I love you too, LaFontaine." And he fled the scene. They sighed and slumped against the wall. Their relationship had been strained for ages, and they felt like it would kill them soon enough. Not actually possible, but emotions weren't logical. Reason #1709 that science rules. It made _sense_.

Science couldn't fully explain the reason for their feelings yet, though. They knew a lot about sexuality and spectrums and attraction, but it didn't help in accepting what they did or didn't feel, and it didn't help make sense of whether it was part of them or if it was just JP.

They didn't know why they hated calling him their boyfriend. The word didn't sound good in their head, felt wrong coming from their own mouth. They didn't feel like he was their boyfriend. They loved him, loved him in a way they'd never loved another person, but him moving in to kiss them made them flinch back. In the beginning they had dismissed it for nerves. This was JP, they had no reason to feel uncomfortable. Eventually they got used to it, the unnerving touches, the emotionless way their lips touched his, the uncomfortable shudder that ran down their spine when he touched them too closely. (That didn't really happen anymore, which they were incredibly grateful for.)

"LaFontaine, are you alright?"

They looked up, noticed their eyes feeling dry, and smiled at the concerned face of Laura Hollis. "Hey, Laura. Yeah I'm fine, thanks."

"Are you sure? You don't seem fine."

"I am, I promise. But if I'm not, I promise I won't lie about it when we're not in the middle of a busy VidCon."

Laura took the hint, smiled comfortingly and patted their shoulder. They smiled meekly and followed her back to their designated group room. Spending time away from Jeep helped until they were reminded of him again. But they really liked the tiny brunette dragging them back by the hand with swift steps slightly too long for her short legs.

Entering the room, almost everyone were there already, except for Carmilla and Perry. They were surprised at how quickly they were able to put opinions to the people around them, and how much they actually _liked_ some of them. Some. They didn't _like_ Carmilla, but they enjoyed her humour and witty comments. They didn't _like_ Danny Lawrence, but she was great at what she did, and that was something LaFontaine always admired.

When it came to Kirsch, they just felt affection in the way you'd feel about a cute dog. He was clueless, but his heart was in the right place. They knew he'd be better off without the Zetas, but the Zetas were his family. Besides, they weren't exactly in a position for judging others not leaving familiarity.

Laura was sort of adorable, too. But not in the puppy way, but in the first-year-of-high-school-student-who-really-wants-to-join-the-school-newspaper-way that LaF would have been great friends with if they'd gone to the same school at the same time. They hoped the two of them would stay in touch after this Collaboration Challenge was finished, even if Laura was too busy staring at Danny at the moment to notice.

And then there was Lola Perry. They _really_ liked her. For no apparent reason, it seemed, but they did. She was sweet and caring, but when she occasionally showed a humorous side it was surprising in the best way. She didn't like the same things as they did, but yet, they found themselves strangely drawn into conversations with her about the most random things.

They were both easy to talk to, Laura and Perry. It was strange to them, because they hadn't encountered that in a long time. People who felt easy to be with. They hadn't quite felt that way since college, they realised with a dreadful knot in their stomach. When they first met JP, to be exact. They'd been amazed back then by how easy it was to talk to him. How he got their jokes, and he got theirs.

In their previously separate lives they had both gotten used to being alone, and being alone together was a great change of pace for them both. They talked. (And talked and talked and talked and talked.) They got closer, they were each other's best friends. They knew that now. LaFontaine's limited social life at the time and previously hadn't allowed them anything like it before, so back then when JP told them how he felt, they assumed that they were on the same track. Because they hadn't known anything similar before. Jesus, if only they'd known what their life would look like in three years. Living with someone they loved as a friend who liked to kiss them and share a bed.

It was wrong, and they felt it in their core every time he touched them. But they couldn't blame him. They agreed on that date all that time ago, they never told him no or that he was doing anything wrong. They just knew it felt wrong.

They hadn't realised it at first. It took a while before they knew that something was wrong. At first, they'd assumed that it was just their sexuality – because they were in love with him, right? So maybe they were just panromantic, but sexually more attracted to women, or something. Jeep accepted that.

Throughout college, it was mostly easy. They would do what all the other couples did in public. Hold hands, give kisses on the cheek before classes, study together, make out at parties sometimes. That was the hardest to do when they just felt trapped and out of place that close to him, but they handled it. Even in his dorm, where it was more demanding, they made it.

It was after college that they started acknowledging all of this. They were one year older than JP, and while he hated being left behind in school, they had loved and enjoyed that year on their own in their apartment, only visiting JP on the weekends. JP referred to it as _the-extremely-dull-and-incredibly-awful-year-he-had-to-spend-without-LaFontaine_. LaF saw it as the year they finally got a break, and finally realised the painful truth. They weren't in love with their boyfriend.

And the worst part was that they couldn't hold anything against him. He'd been perfectly nice, reasonable, respecting, caring and sweet the whole time. That would never cease to be true, but with time their attitude started to change. It wasn't intentional, but it was what happened when you were secretly cross with someone for a reason you couldn't tell them about – an aggression grew that needed to be taken out.

They _knew_ he wasn't doing anything wrong, but in the last year their annoyance had grown each time he touched them. They couldn't blame him, but the fact remained that he had moved in, gotten a job at their lab, and he was in their hair all the time. He thought he was making up for the year they'd spent mostly apart, never realising how much further apart they were getting every day.

And LaF wondered when they'd gotten so good at pretending. Perhaps it had been gradual, from thinking they were in love with him to realising how awful they'd been – made him think they were too, and now they were three years in with no idea how to fix their life.


End file.
